I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
