Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
