i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
