you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
