dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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