The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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