She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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