Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
