when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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