people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
