I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
