I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
