I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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