i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
