so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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