The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
