What did we do last night that was yellow?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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