Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
4 words: hood of his car
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
