i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its about making memories worth repressing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
