so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
