The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
