I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
