I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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