Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
