yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
