I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
