I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
