my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
