I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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