I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
