I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
