Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
