July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
