I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
