Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
