I'm gonna have a badass scar
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
vagina is talking i cant
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
