Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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