I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
