My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
