Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
