Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
