Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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