I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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