i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
