I need to stop coming to work sober
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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