she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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