Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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