What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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