The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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