Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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