I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
